girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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