I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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