This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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