were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
