...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
