I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
