are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
