I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
