so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
