Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
