thus making me awesome and them whores
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
