nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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