The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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