Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
