You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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