"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
