I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize