it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
