Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
