All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
