My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
