fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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