I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
