I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
