If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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