Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
