Well douche your snatch and let's go!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he thought i was a dude.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
