Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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