Soap is not a condiment
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
