Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
