I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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