I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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