no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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