So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize