i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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