idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
