i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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