Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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