No awkward lesbian experiences without me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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