Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
