One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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