this beer tastes like vomit already
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
