I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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