Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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