Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
