dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
