two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
