It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
