Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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