I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
