just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
