I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
