I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
