Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
