ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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