Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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