My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
