Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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