if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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