His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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