I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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