I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
