He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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