Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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