Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
