I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
