After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
