I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
