Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have demons in me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
