bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need a beard to bite.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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