Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
