I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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