can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
