Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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