I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
