did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
